spanking bench

In Praise of Spanking. How to Make Your Sub’s Bottom Glow.

On Spanking: The one-handed applause to a magnificent bottom

Whether it’s for punishment, celebration, or simply as erotic teasing, spanking is one of those activities that many kinky folks love to use during play time. It can be as simple as a few smacks during intercourse or as intense as strapping down a fetish partner and wailing away on their bottom. However it’s enjoyed, it’s important that your partner is comfortable, that both partners want the activity, and that it’s done safely.

spanking bench

Say it out loud. Communication is an important part of any relationship, whether kinky or not, so it’s always best to keep that line open with your fetish partner. Ask them what they like and put it on a scale of 1 to 10. I always begin my spankings around a 3 or 4 to get my sub warmed up and then increase as we progress through the scene. Starting off with one hard 10 can totally diminish the power dynamic in the scene too quickly—the sub has to call the safe word and then the Top gets aggravated because it hasn’t even been more than a few minutes. Bottoms, be sure to let your Tops know exactly where you want your spankings to take you. Do you want it as discipline? Do you want to be transported into subspace? Is it best done as a reward? Once you’re able to identify what your spankings will mean, both parties will be able to relax and enjoy the scene.

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Choose your weapon. I’ve always been an advocate of the bare hand, but there is a treasure trove of spanking toys out there that are easily accessible. In fact, just about anything laying around your house could be used as a toy. A spare belt, a hair brush, or a wooden spoon are common household objects that can readily be turned into a toy of painful pleasure. If you have some rope lying around, you can cut it into a formidable piece, fold it, and then use it as a whip. Be advised that using common household items can cause damage, as with most spanking items, so be cautious what you use. Do a few test runs first before completely whipping it into action. If you prefer spanking tools from the store, your local sex shop is likely to have paddles, slappers, and other various spankers that can provide that delightful pain sensation every sub craves.

Assume the position! Everyone has their favourite spanking position. For some Tops, having their bottoms positioned over their lap is the most comfortable position for both parties. Other positions that can be comfortable can be over the arm of a couch, over a cushioned bench, or simply resting at an angle over the edge of a bed. Straps and restraints are optional, though recommended for pesky little bottoms who like to try to wiggle away. Personally, I tend to prefer the arm of a couch where I can put pillows underneath my sub and then tie their hands forward. A simple collection of belts to wrap over them helps to keep them fastened in place so that I can spank as often and hard as I want without them escaping.

Let loose, but be mindful. Once everything is settled and you’ve started your scene, it should be smooth sailing. Remember to remain mindful of your body—let your Top know if something hurts too much, use your safety word, and allow yourself time to process each spank. Always ask your sub if they’re doing alright. Make sure they’re hydrated, fed, and generally comfortable (or as comfortable as they can be in an uncomfortable position) before proceeding further.

Let’s play a game. One of my favorite games to play involves taking my sub’s panties, shoving them in her mouth, and forcing her to speak out loud each spank on her bottom. If I didn’t hear her properly, I spank harder until I can hear it clearly. It drives me wild to see her exert the effort to please me while also moaning from the wonderful pleasure my hand provides.

Have you had enough? As soon as the scene is over, congratulate your sub on being such a good bottom. Let them know you appreciate their body, their time, and their courage for taking such a heavy spanking. If the area is braised or bleeding, clean thoroughly with some peroxide and then apply ice to reduce the swelling. If it’s swollen, apply ice for a bit and then some spanking lotion. (Regular aloe lotion works, too.) This keeps your sub happy while also encouraging them to come back to you for many more pleasurable spanks.

Spanking is such a versatile activity. It can be incorporated into discipline, bondage, and role playing scenes rather easily. On it’s own, it can provide a wonderful stress relief for both the Top and the bottom. I love handing out spankings to my subs, especially when they ask me specifically for it. It seems to strengthen our bond as it increases our mindfulness of our bodies and our attention to communication. Though it’s not for everyone, it’s still worth trying at least once in your kinky lifetime. So, what are you waiting for? Find a fetish partner and get to work!


Richard M

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